12 Things I've Learned in 2012....

I'm a firm believer in finishing what you start. And because I haven't blogged since the 31st of March- I decided to let you all know why and do a recap on 2012. I've been asked by so many people who know about all that's happened in the past year "How do you do it? You're so admirable." Thanks! I appreciate that...but I haven't cured cancer. I haven't traveled the world and met with the Queen of England. I'm just 28. A mom. Finishing college and living life like everyone else. But, here are the things I've learned this year, good and bad, and in the order I learned them in that might answer questions about where I'm coming from....

1. Burying your best friend and her baby will undoubtedly be the hardest thing you'll ever go through. In fact, having 3 people you know under 30 and a baby die in the same year flat out sucks. However, remembering that everything happens for a reason helps. Look for the reasons, they come to you when you least expect it.
2. Taking a full load of college classes while having a small child doesn't seem hard while you're in the midst of the chaos. Looking back after those few months are over, you'll call yourself a circus clown and feel as if you could man-handle the entire world like a Harlem Globetrotter...and with the same finesse.
3. Getting a divorce comes close to the excruciation of number 1. Not because you're no longer married to the person that you've been with for the past 12 years. But because it's change- it's uncharted territory. It's the fear of the unknown. No, situations that provoked the divorce (Which I might add, I never believed in until it happened) are enough to make you run and never look back. However, there are many lessons learned and lights seen in the midst of this agony.

• When a woman who's gone through it tells you "No divorced woman ever regrets her decision", you think DAMN! That's harsh. It's not. It's truth. Not at first, but time heals all things...give it time.
• At first, you will cry. A lot. These tears only make you stronger. Don't let your child see this. Also, while not in the presence of your child- being a sarcastic bitch helps (remember this part for later). 
• There will be other women come into your child's life...the thought of another woman playing house with your kid will initiate a motherly response that will make you want to go 17 rounds with Muhammed Ali...and you will win every. single. round. You will sign up for a boxing class as part of your academic roster for the next semester because of this.You will not necessarily DO or SAY anything. Your child just knows. And this initiates a response in your child that makes them tell the new lady "OK lady, time for you to go. Before my mom gets here and gets mad. And you DON'T WANT THAT!" (It's ok to smile at your child's wit...that they got....from you!)
• Not acting like a victim helps many situations. You are not a victim. You made this choice, based on research, prayer and many, many hours of thought and circumstance. 
• Being "a single mom" does NOT make you white trash...your choices and the way you handle life do. Period.
• Believe it or not- it IS still possible to remain friends with your ex. This does not come without  irritation, debate, and weird looks from your family. However, it's better for the child and is possible...it's all in the attitude you choose to have.

4. Anxiety happens. There are herbal remedies out there that do not require smoking. They're cheap and effective. However, living on your own is not as bad as the preconceived notion that you once had. Actually, a lot of times, it's peaceful and enlightening.
5. Terrible Two's and Threatening Three's are called this because EFFING AWFUL doesn't start with T! There will be times you will actually tell your child that you are about to sell them to the gypsies, or that they are about to get packed in a box and shipped to Gigi's house FOR-EVER (picture Squints and The Sandlot...same idea). They will be excited about this! They may even ask you if you're at that point while in Dillons...insert rude, inappropriate looks from strangers here. It's at this point where you will need a friend to rely on. It's ok. Every mother needs a break!
6.  It's completely and utterly impossible to take 15 hours of classes, work and raise a child without your parent's help. Seriously, they are your life line. Thank them daily and be super grateful you have this life line available.
7. You never know how strong you are until you have to be. Simple as that. Great adversity is overcome by having an education and a positive attitude. Use them to your advantage and have confidence in knowing you're living with integrity. Some days, it's the only thing that gets you through the next 5 minutes.
8. DO NOT. I repeat. DO NOT sign up for an online dating service...FML will run through your head more times while reading the stupidity of the male population than should even be allowed. Seriously. Did you know that there are men out there...wait. Did you know that EVERY, SINGLE, MAN from the ages 48-72 (yes. You read that right) will email you though you're only 28!?! And they will say something like this "Hey girl. What's your favorite romantic movie? Do you like long walks on the beach?" Really? You are NOT Ryan Gosling so the words "Hey Girl" should not even be thought by you until you are. AND, you're from KS...yes! I LOVE walks on the beach...at Milford Lake...WHAT?!?! (picture a Minion from Despicable Me) Seriously dude. I don't care if you're as rich as Donald Trump. You're making me vomit.
9. Men will crawl out of the woodwork and want in your pants. Men you've been friends with for a long time. Men you've never even thought would look at you "in that way". They do, and they have the persistance of  your two year old trying to get your attention. (mom, mom, mom, mommy, mama, mom, mom,mom, mommy....) It will trigger the same reaction too! Remember that little tidbit of information about being sarcastic...You're gonna need to perfect this. Because again, some of these men will make you want to vomit. There is no finesse in the dating world anymore. Sex is a first date conversation starter. And, having less than 5 partners is virtually unrealistic. Basically what I'm saying is- Morals and Values are hard to come by...look hard my friends...they're out there...I'll let you know when I find them. It may be as difficult as that cure for cancer so you're going to need to be patient on this one.
10. Stop eating so damn much! You're not hungry. You're bored or probably thirsty. Learn the difference! It's real easy to put weight on...but losing 30 pounds, though seriously life changing is hard as hell and you'll cuss yourself every step of the way. It's just easier to make better decisions now than later!
11.Reflect on the year that's gone by. You'll learn so much about life, love, what makes you happy and most of all- yourself. Make goals and stick to them. Make friends and make the friendships you have stronger. Rid yourself of the negativity in your life. You don't need it. And above all...
12. The best quote one will ever live by is this "Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not stress. Just breathe and Have Faith that everything will work out for the best"...because it will. :) Happy New Year to all...May 2013 bring you lots of love, happiness, health and wealth! 

Gone Fishin'

Today is Saturday. This means that Mason doesn't understand it's a weekend, so it's ok to sleep in and Nate doesn't work until 4 PM. So that leaves a lot of open space to fill for this awesomely energetic 2 year old! Today is almost 90 degrees here (in March!- So crazy!) so we took a trip to the lake for the first time of the season. We also learned many lessons today.

Lesson 1: "Back up" because you're about to fall in and give your mama a heart attack.

Lesson 2- less than a minute after lesson 1- SNAKES...because these DO give your mama a heart attack. I don't know that Mason has ever seen my "frightened for my life" look, but he got it this morning along with a deep inhale like it might be my last breath of life and my arm around his waist like JAWS clamping down. He automatically knew I was not joking, laughing or messing around. This was serious business! I told him to back up and get close to the car. Then while on the way home I asked "What do we do when we see a snake?" Mason replies: "Umm....shut the door." The teacher in me says we're gonna need to reteach this lesson...another day....without actual live animals.

Lesson 3: This wasn't really a lesson so much as practice. Mason's been "Fishing" in our living room since he was about 1. Today he got to put it to the real test. He did fabulously. :)

My fair skinned prince. SO happy to be outdoors and in the sun! This is his favorite place ever! This is about 10 minutes after bathing him in SPF 50+ Sun block. :( And normally he has an awesome K-State baseball cap but he left it at school yesterday. :(

All boy! Lesson 4: Sticks and old burned up stumps are great fun! He managed to rub nice little groove in the stump, in case we got stranded at the lake and had to build a fire later. We're talkin real live Bear Grylls survival here!

And sometimes when you're in survival mode- you manage to hit yourself in the head with your big stick. That's why you have mommies to kiss it and make it better. Even Bear has a mama to kiss his head.

And we're back to beating on the stump until......

Lesson 5 happened! This lesson is called "Oh yeah! I'm fishin here!"- We aren't great at waiting. He comes by this naturally. So Nate watches Mason's pole for him and reminds him he's fishing when he gets a bite. Nate sets the hook and lets Mason real it in. He reeled in his first fish this morning! :) Then came Lesson 6: Sometimes fish swallow the hook and just when you think they're going to die you incorporate Lesson 7: Prayer. My child is very compassionate and very concerned for the lives of others. He comes by this pretty naturally too. So you say a little prayer for Mr.Fish that he doesn't die. And then comes Lesson 8: God doesn't always answer prayers right away. But today- it only took about 10 minutes and that fish was off and swimming again! :)

And Mason was back to building his fire.....

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Today is St. Patrick's Day! A holiday that isn't celebrated by many other than getting completely obliterated. We don't normally celebrate either but there was a parade going on...so of course we couldn't miss it! K-State played today too...badly. But they played. So Mason and I celebrated both in 1! :) This is us watching the parade. Take note of the braces because those suckers are COMING OFF this coming Friday...will post pics later. :) SO PUMPED!

This is just part of Aggieville-waiting for the parade to start. Luckily for us, I'm my mother's child (late to EVERYTHING) and the parade didn't start on time either.

Waiting patiently.

Isn't this face just the cutest?! I'm a little biased but really.

Super stoked for our first tattoo! Hopefully it comes off easily. The "white trash-my kid hasn't bathed in a week" look isn't one I like to sport willingly.

Of course it the parade wouldn't be complete without a Leprachaun!

And Bagpipe players in kilts.

And Belly Dancers...and boy did their bellies dance!

But Bless their hearts- they sure did have some....... confidence....

"The biggest horses of my life!"- Mason

And of course a Statue of Liberty! Because all parades have those!

All in all, the parade was a beautiful 81 degrees, a good time outside and enough of a wear out for Mason to take a long nap! And me to join him.

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! :)

"Masonisms"

 This sweet little boy makes me So nervous that he'll squirm and fall right through the screen but his favorite thing to do is sit on the windowsill and watch the cars go by. The life of this boy has taught me so much about the way he thinks, the way he looks at the world and mostly, the things I enjoy the most about my life as his mother.

Here- he sees Fire trucks and cars and says "GO! GO! GO!!!! GET to hepin (helping) somebody!!!"

"You Can't SEE ME!"

"Count! Count to 10 and you can see me"

"HERE I AM! I RIGHT HERE!"

(This is also what he says while playing hide and seek when you say "Mason where are you?")

Some of the things he says absolutely crack me up. So far in the past couple weeks he's told me things like this:

In early February, my best friend died. A tragic accident that cannot be explained as anything other than an act of God. As you can imagine, I've had a pretty hard time dealing with this. The day she died, I cried...a lot. And I would stop and then remember, and then start again. As soon as I was done, Mason would look at me and say "You good? You ok? Good. Let's fight!"

He jumps on the mound of clean laundry waiting to be folded and says "I kwimbin (climbing) a mountain. Don't worry. It be fun." 

The other morning he barged into the bathroom wearing a pair of my high heels while Nate was in the shower and yelled "HEY! NAKED MAN! Look at my AWESOME SHOES!"

He's really into counting right now but God forbid you help him or he will say "NO! You stop! I will do it." Mr. Independent. He can count to 13 consistently. After that it's back to 9.

This morning, after being a very sick little boy the couple days, he comes in and says I want to watch Mickey Mouse. Nate says Ok. Get your babies (his 2 favorite blankets) and I'll get M.M. Mason says, I get my babies and you get Mickey Mouse? HOT DOG! 

Tonight as I was doing some homework, he wanted to comb my hair with a pick. I said that was fine and as he stabs me in the side of the head as if he were a 2012 Olympiad throwing a javelin, he said "OH! I sorry. You hurt? No, Ok good. Let's keep going." Notice there was no pause in there to make sure I was ok or that my skull had not been punctured! As if that weren't enough, he decides to switch "utensils" and stab me in the head with a mechanical pencil. That one drew blood and as I'm screaming OWWWWWWWWWWW, he hides behind the chair. I realize this wasn't the most conventional way to handle a situation. So, I stop compose myself. Clean up the oozing blood and ask him to come talk to me. He says "You stop throwing a fit and then I'll talk to you." Hmm...I think he may have heard that somewhere.

A little while after this, I'm doing dishes. He comes in and says "Hey there. Whatcha doin?" I say "dishes" and he says. "Oh yeah. Ok. I just let you do dishes but I don't want to help!" There you have it people. The convincing evidence that says- Men are BORN with the knowledge that they should leave the cleaning to the women. UGH! And if THAT wasn't enough- as I'm writing this blog, that I admit I've kind of abandoned lately, he has dumped the lids and bowls out of my tupperware box. I say Clean this up now before I start counting! He looks up at me innocently and says "I so sorry mama. I nothing to clean with!"

Reading, Urinating Machine Guns, and Geeks

So many things have happened since the beginning of January. For starters, Mason is really getting into "reading" by himself. He's heard books like Eric Carle's What do you See? So many times that he can now say the animal and say "what do you see?" Then I finish the next page. It's a very special moment when your child reads to you for a change, rather than you doing all the reading. :) His Gigi recorded this book for him and now finds no reason to speak to her on the phone because she reads to him and he converses with her saying "read it again" and "you're all done". As you can see in this picture, he is very sure of the words and what they say.
He is also very sure that the buttons you see on the bottom right of the book say "Press this button to record". Note to whomever invented these books- you do not put buttons where the child can see them unless you want to be shot by the parents listening to it like a broken record.
Obviously this person has never been around a child....ever.

Secondly, we've started getting into the idea of potty training. For all you out there with children, feel free to shake your head and think "Been there, done that" and provide tips in the comments area. Meanwhile, I'm going to provide a few tips of my own.
1. When this "joyous" time comes, as the parent without the patience of Moses, you're going to need something to calm the nerves because this indeed WILL test your patience, like it or not. I prefer a nice bottle of Reisling RELAX, FUNF (It's German for 5, cheap but tasty) or a wonderful 6 pack.....of Bud Light Lime.
2. Boys and Cheerios- Maybe this has worked for some, but I'm just going to forewarn you. "Aiming" for the Cheerio also turns into "Fire in the Hole!". The Cheerio floats because it's in water. So INSTEAD of just aiming, you get body flinging posture as if your boy is ready for battle. And that's just what it is because not only are they "Aiming" at the Cheerio, somehow that "Aim" gets flung all over the bathroom and you now have an entire bathroom wall, toilet and floor with battle scars. For you as the parent- See number 1 about testing patience and how to cope.
3. You ask your child if they have to potty "Nope, I'm good" they say. Ok....1 minute 49 seconds later they are telling you "I poopy". FUNF!....or my other favorite F word that can no longer be repeated because your child will also tell you they are a parrot. And they're not kidding.
4. Your child will wake up in the morning saying "I have to potty!" And you are delighted to jump out of bed thinking this is going to be a fantastic day! The day they get it and we move forward! They go. You reward. You ask later to keep the ball rolling...see number 3's scenario again. And you cuss...and then you drink.
5. Some would say "Make them go, take them every (insert your own number of minutes here)"...this will only result in crying. You. Them. The neighbors from listening to all the screaming and yelling your child has done. And the neighbors dog...because they're tired of this madness as well.
Bottom line- I'm understanding now why my mother yelled at my brother "If you don't learn to poop in the pot and wipe your own butt- you can't go to preschool!" Because he didn't give a crap either. Literally.

Nate and I started classes again today. He is in a bunch of geeky science stuff like Physics. This was his excitement for the day- "Kam, if I have a piece of paper and a book and I drop them at the same time, will they both hit the table at the same time?" Of course, I'm a genius and say "No." Picture the kid in the candy store for the first time EVER look- "Well, actually they will!" He puts the book on top of the paper and drops it. "It's called the physics of thinking outside the box". Keep in mind this was the same time he's devouring the chicken that I was trying to prepare another dish out of .... so you can also picture my own physics. It's the "physics of looking like I'm pissed". VERY effective.
I am in a bunch of really fun classes- Science of Food, Food Production, Environmental Issues...no this one is not why you're screwed up because your mom made you watch Mr. Rogers instead of Fraggle Rock. It's about Food Borne Illnesses and how to prevent them. So basically, I work in the kitchen dealing with food and then go learn about it. It's like giving twinkies to a fat kid!