He is also very sure that the buttons you see on the bottom right of the book say "Press this button to record". Note to whomever invented these books- you do not put buttons where the child can see them unless you want to be shot by the parents listening to it like a broken record.
Obviously this person has never been around a child....ever.
Secondly, we've started getting into the idea of potty training. For all you out there with children, feel free to shake your head and think "Been there, done that" and provide tips in the comments area. Meanwhile, I'm going to provide a few tips of my own.
1. When this "joyous" time comes, as the parent without the patience of Moses, you're going to need something to calm the nerves because this indeed WILL test your patience, like it or not. I prefer a nice bottle of Reisling RELAX, FUNF (It's German for 5, cheap but tasty) or a wonderful 6 pack.....of Bud Light Lime.
2. Boys and Cheerios- Maybe this has worked for some, but I'm just going to forewarn you. "Aiming" for the Cheerio also turns into "Fire in the Hole!". The Cheerio floats because it's in water. So INSTEAD of just aiming, you get body flinging posture as if your boy is ready for battle. And that's just what it is because not only are they "Aiming" at the Cheerio, somehow that "Aim" gets flung all over the bathroom and you now have an entire bathroom wall, toilet and floor with battle scars. For you as the parent- See number 1 about testing patience and how to cope.
3. You ask your child if they have to potty "Nope, I'm good" they say. Ok....1 minute 49 seconds later they are telling you "I poopy". FUNF!....or my other favorite F word that can no longer be repeated because your child will also tell you they are a parrot. And they're not kidding.
4. Your child will wake up in the morning saying "I have to potty!" And you are delighted to jump out of bed thinking this is going to be a fantastic day! The day they get it and we move forward! They go. You reward. You ask later to keep the ball rolling...see number 3's scenario again. And you cuss...and then you drink.
5. Some would say "Make them go, take them every (insert your own number of minutes here)"...this will only result in crying. You. Them. The neighbors from listening to all the screaming and yelling your child has done. And the neighbors dog...because they're tired of this madness as well.
Bottom line- I'm understanding now why my mother yelled at my brother "If you don't learn to poop in the pot and wipe your own butt- you can't go to preschool!" Because he didn't give a crap either. Literally.
Nate and I started classes again today. He is in a bunch of geeky science stuff like Physics. This was his excitement for the day- "Kam, if I have a piece of paper and a book and I drop them at the same time, will they both hit the table at the same time?" Of course, I'm a genius and say "No." Picture the kid in the candy store for the first time EVER look- "Well, actually they will!" He puts the book on top of the paper and drops it. "It's called the physics of thinking outside the box". Keep in mind this was the same time he's devouring the chicken that I was trying to prepare another dish out of .... so you can also picture my own physics. It's the "physics of looking like I'm pissed". VERY effective.
I am in a bunch of really fun classes- Science of Food, Food Production, Environmental Issues...no this one is not why you're screwed up because your mom made you watch Mr. Rogers instead of Fraggle Rock. It's about Food Borne Illnesses and how to prevent them. So basically, I work in the kitchen dealing with food and then go learn about it. It's like giving twinkies to a fat kid!
